beware the social worker

In recognition of my stress levels I dodged daughter duties on Friday and spent the morning with a friend who understands, and who is also good for a discussion of bunnies and guinea pigs and such. We've got three cats whom I love to bits and being an animal lover I'd like to add to our animal family so I'm thinking pets at the moment. I went home feeling emotionally supported with nothing more vexing than rabbit hutches on my mind!

Unfortunately I returned home to a letter from the children's ex-Social Worker. This was never a woman who brought sunshine into my life. I found her a jobsworth, bafflingly uninterested in the children she was placing with us, and scrupulously avoidant of inquiring after our welfare.

Her letter, which came out of the blue, explained that she had visited an older sibling of my two children, and enclosed was a letter from this sibling (an adult now) to my two children that they had worked on together. The letter from the older sibling was acceptable enough, but the letter from the Social Worker was infuriatingly insensitive.

You might remember, dear reader, that we have seen an explosion in distressing behaviours from my son since he read his Life Story book. It is my opinion that reading about his birth family has re-traumatised my son. This I fully related, with tears, to mine and my husband's own ex-Social Worker down the phone who agreed a referral to CAMHS would be appropriate.

The letter states that this ex-Social Worker was aware of the contents of the letter. Why then did these two women, who are close friends and always in touch, think it appropriate to write to us and state that this older sibling wants to meet with her younger brother and sister, wants regular Letter Box contact, and wants the children 'never to forget her'? When thoughts of his birth family have sparked in my son suicide ideation, bed wetting, screaming and tantrumming?

What half-brained human being would even begin to imagine that a letter from a birth family member right now, never mind a meeting, would be beneficial for my son?

I wouldn't have expected this woman, upon hearing of our son's distressing behaviour and our need to access therapy for him, to phone me and ask how we were. She was never interested before and I wouldn't expect her to care now she is (as I thought) retired. However, perhaps a courtesy call to let me know that she was meeting with this older sibling and that this older sibling wanted contact, would not have been beyond even her professional ability.

I can only hope that she has not given this poor woman - a poor wretch who was never rescued from the abusive family home for adoption like her brother and sister - any false hope with regards to Direct Contact. I feel deeply for the poor girl who suffered terribly, but I will not be emotionally blackmailed by begging letters from inept Social Workers to do anything that will put my two adopted children in potential danger.

I left controlled but forceful messages on the answerphones of both Social Workers, neither of which have been returned, and so from now on future communication will be in writing. In my own time, when I am ready.

It made for an uncomfortable weekend. I have been in a bad place, but am better today.